Premier Année

I went to my neighborhood Primary (elementary) school yesterday to sign Brayden up for Premier Année (first year, aka: first grade) for next year. I filled out the requisite paperwork, met with the school secretary and the principal, and asked as many questions as I could in French (seeing as though they spoke no English). When I left the school, I had mixed feelings of complete excitement for Brayden twinged with self-doubt as to whether or not I am doing the right thing.



Last August when I signed Brayden up for maternelle school here, I had a clear vision of what I wanted for him out of this international experience. I felt 100% confident in the schooling decisions we had made. The night before the 1st day of school last year as I was getting things ready, I sat on the couch, with all of that confidence gone, and dissolved into a puddle of tears. "What am I doing to my just-barely 5 year old?" I sobbed to Ryan. "Is it wrong for me to send him into a new school knowing no one and having no way to communicate?" "Are the kids going to be nice?" "Is his teacher going to be nice?" "Will his tender heart survive this experience?" "Am I going to permanently damage him?" and on and on I went as Ryan so gently calmed my nerves and fears about Brayden. He assured me he would be fine, he would make friends, he would learn French, and all would be well. And admittedly, he was right. Brayden has made friends, Brayden now speaks French, and all is well. We've had our ups and downs this year - kids being mean, Brayden lashing out a bit at home, a bit of confidence shaken, but through it all has emerged a really strong kid. A good kid who has learned a lot about a culture different than the one he's used to, a kid who has learned to keep going when it's hard, a kid who has made friends despite language differences, and - maybe more than anything else - to turn an undesirable situation (in his mind) into a really great learning experience.

As I think on his growth this past year and my desire for his French to become a very strong second language, the path seems clear for him to attend premier année next year. He will learn to read and write in French, 2 tools that I think will be vital for him if he is to retain his French once we return to the States. However, in the back of my mind, I can't help but think of the things he will be missing in English that he will have to catch-up on when we return to the States. "Will his reading in French hurt the progress we have made in his ability to read English?" "Will he be behind academically with his peers?" "Will this shake his confidence?" and on and on my doubting mind continues. Admittedly too, it's hard for me to let go of my little man and throw him into the big world of Elementary school, after-school activities, and homework. Because as much as I want my children to grow up and be independent, part of me wants to keep them home forever, playing games, going to the park, and making cookies. Part of me wants to homeschool, to have an educational experience within the bounds that I choose, and have the opportunity to grow as a family in this way. I can't help but feel though, that to choose this homeschooling route would be to deprive Brayden of some significant cultural experiences, learning experiences, and lessons in coping. I could also deprive him of the ability to say, at the end of the day, "I did it! I conquered 2 grades in a foreign language!" and the confidence that could come as a part of that. Can I take that away from him?

So, my mind continues to wonder, and I think, and pray, and discuss, and pray some more and through it all, I'm sure the right answer will come. I know whatever the decision is, it's going to be a great school year next year and I have an entire summer to decide.